I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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