Soap is not a condiment
false alarm. still invincible.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
