We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the condom got lost in my hair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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