Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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