He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
