just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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