Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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