He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
