This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
