hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
