and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we're making bets on your personal life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
