I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
