Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
