ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
