I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i now understand why vodka
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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