but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
