I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
