the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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