Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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