I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
