Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
