what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize