Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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