im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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