Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
