Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
