Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
