apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize