Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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