So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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