there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
false alarm. still invincible.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
