either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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