Michael Bay diarrhea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
