I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
