dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
