one two three fourrrrnication!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we're making bets on your personal life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
