Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Blood and glitter go together right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
