you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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