end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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