can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize