I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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