I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
