took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
