so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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