I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
