my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
