She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
