Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
