We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
