is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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