yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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