No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
