We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize