if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
