She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
