Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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