M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
