hotel room ftw
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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