I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
