i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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