Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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