Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
