One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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