She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
