it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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