I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
