guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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