Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
