So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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