when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
