the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your dad touched me again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
