apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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