Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
