Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You can't special order awesome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
