I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
